French, means: “It goes without saying”
Summary: V survives the shooting and the story continues.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing from V for Vendetta is mine. This is just for fun.
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Chapter 5
“V?”
She walked into his bedroom glowing with success. He had heard her speech and found it brilliant. He could not have done it better himself and took pride in the fact that she seemed to know it.
“In old days there were angels who came and took men by the hand and led them away from the city of destruction. We see no white-winged angels now. But yet men are led away from threatening destruction: a hand is put into theirs, which leads them forth gently towards a calm and bright land, so that they look no more backward; and the hand may be…yours, Evey.” [4] From his position propped up on a pile of pillows he offered her a round of applause and earned a confused smile and a very dainty curtsey. “Brava, my dear. You were a vision tonight.”
She shook her head smiling at him. “But you couldn’t see me. I was on the radio.”
“True, you were. But I still say you were lovely. Aren’t imaginations wonderful?”
“If you say so. My knees were shaking so hard I thought I might fall over and I stumbled on some words. It’ll get better if I get to do it again, but V, I think I’m really on the radar now. They are going to come looking for me.”
He wondered how she had missed the manhunt that had been going on for over a year for her. Aloud he asked, “Does that scare you?”
She paused, thinking about it. Finally she shook her head. “Not for myself, no. But you know, since you chose to live and all, I’d rather be with you for a while if I can help it.”
Up to now, what he had said at the train had not been mentioned. He knew at some point they would visit it but was hoping that it could be put off a while longer. He didn’t feel in a position to deal with matters of the heart just then. But still…he could not let it go either. “You’re afraid…for me?”
“Well, yeah.” She paused, gathering her thoughts for what he knew was going to be an uncomfortable exchange. “We could sit here and pretend that you weren’t planning to ride that train all the way to your death. But…if you were ready to start a revolution yet not willing to stay around to rebuild after it, what did you hang around for?”
Oh. God.
“Since you yourself said that your life was nothing but November 5th until I came along and bollixed it up, I can only assume that the reason you’re still here has something to do with me.”
Give the lady her prize, he thought as he shifted uncomfortably in his bed. She was about to pull out the word that struck terror into his heart. Silently thanking God that he was a man in a mask he tried to still his body and appear calm as he waited for it.
She was staring at her feet running a hand back and forth over her shorn head. “Now, I know that people will say just about anything when they think they’ll never see each other again but…you said you’d fallen in love with me.”
There. Right there his heart leapt from his chest onto a chopping block. She had couched it in such a way that he could back peddle out of it if he wanted, but as he looked at her not looking at him he knew he couldn’t do that. He had promised himself after the ordeal in the cell that he would never again lie to her no matter how much easier it would be or how much it might spare her (who are we kidding, his) feelings. He swallowed. “So I did.”
Now she looked at him hard, almost glaring, trying to see behind the mask. “Did you mean it, or was that just the memory you wanted me to have?”
A skillfully asked ‘or’ question. When did you become such a good interrogator, he wondered. Sending a small prayer heavenward to a God who had never listened before, he threw caution to the wind and answered her honestly. “I meant what I said.”
She nodded as if she’d already known that and for him to admit it aloud was not a big deal. “Do you know why I came back, V?”
She was going to let him squirm. He deserved it he knew, but the agony of it was terrible. Either affirm me, or deny me but please don’t toy with me. Please don’t deny me. He remembered what she had told him the night they danced and lobbed it back at her hoping against hope that there was more to it than that. “Because you said you would.”
She rolled her eyes at him and put her hands on her hips. “Come on, V. Is it such a stretch of the imagination that I came back for you? Maybe I missed you? Maybe being away from you and angry at you made me realize that?”
His head cocked to the right as he walked back through her words which seemed nonsensical to him. “So you missed me in spite of hating me?”
Her posture changed again. No longer mother, exasperated now. She brushed her hand forward over her face stopping to rub her temples. “No, you impossible man. I hate what you did. I stayed away because I couldn’t forgive you and I wanted to punish you. I get why you did it, I think. But I’m still really pissed off about it. And you know what? For all that, not being here was a miserable, boring, lonely existence. I punished me as much as I punished you. I don’t know how you did it but somehow V you because…my sun.”
He knew what she meant and he knew that the moment was not one to be toyed with but it was just too easy and he couldn’t resist. “I must be misunderstanding you, Evey.”
“S-U-N, the big round thing that glows in the sky.” She looked like she was ready to walk out on him and he regretted being so flippant. But she didn’t. Instead she took a breath and exhaled and when her eyes opened again they were calmer. “Those few months here with you I learned more than I ever did in my entire life. You opened my eyes. When I left I couldn’t see anymore. It was like living in a shadow world. It was like I could almost see it on my own, but not quite. I felt like I was groping around in the dark without you.”
“Evey…” He wanted to tell her how dark and lifeless the Shadow Gallery had been without her. How he had missed her curiosity and energy. How all the things that used to please him had become empty vessels that would only hold his regrets.
But.
She was so young, so fresh, so full of life, so able to have more, do more than he could offer her. She was already doing as he had hoped. Could he ask for yet another sacrifice from her? Could he claim to love her while shackling her to his monstrous carcass? Could he expect her to stay? With every moment she spent in his home she got closer to seeing the man behind the mask and V didn’t like him much. Oh there was plenty that he appreciated even admired about himself and that was what he showed her. But there was a lot that was dark and ugly and rotting that he did not want her to see. The moment he was unmasked, either figuratively or literally, she would run and he would have no one to blame but himself.
If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more, he silently lamented. [5] Rather than drawing her to himself and crushing her under the weight of the love he felt, he evaded her by playing the injured card. “I’m so tired.”
She took a couple of steps deeper into the room, leaned over him and kissed the top of his head. “Then sleep. But don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.”
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[4] George Eliot - Silas Marner
[5] Jane Austin - Emma
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